Today was an early start again, but the cooks forgot about our breakfast so we ended up starting the day late. It took us 15 minutes to catch a guagua since it was their rush hour. We then walked about a mile to meet up with the promotora and then a mile back to the guaguas before we even saw a kid. Great work-out to start the morning off:)
We saw 3 children: one who had been diagnosed with cerebral palsy and two other children with Down Syndrome. Two of the mothers told us that we were welcome back whenever we wanted and another one even teared up because she was so grateful for our time and recommendations.
We then all had dinner together at a restaurant and the food was muy excelente! After this, we headed to Conani, the children's orphanage. Although this is referred to as an orphanage, the children are rarely actually adopted because they have severe disabilities. We’ve been preparing not only physically, but mentally for this experience and NOTHING compares to being here and experiencing it firsthand. We walked in and immediately started taking the children/infants out of their cribs to play. One little girl’s head is the size of a watermelon because she has hydrocephalus. Most of the other children had such horrible contractures that their legs and arms were in unbelievable distortions. We are unable to even stretch these parts because often it would require tendon releases and other extensive surgeries to correct. It's truly heartbreaking.
Okay, here’s your warning…I'm about ready to discuss some of my emotions and feelings, so if you don't care to hear all about that, don't have to read on.
For those of you who know me very well, you know that I’m very sensitive and emotional. Seeing the children today at Conani left me with a weird feeling. We've been preparing for this experience for quite some time now and in doing so I almost feel that I've numbed myself. What we saw today was devastating. These children have such a low quality of life and I wonder if what we’re doing is actually helping. Are we actually helping these children? What happens when we leave?
I went into this experience so excited to help, make a difference, and impact the lives of those who have had a pretty rough life. I most definitely have left this experience humbled. These children and their carers are doing what they have to in order to survive. Carers are feeding them, bathing them, and changing their pants..the basics. They do not have time to stretch these kids to prevent the severe contractures or interact with them to show them love. They don't have time to hold each of these kids to give them the attention they need and crave in order to develop the way God intended. As I put several kids back into their cribs today, they latched onto me so tight that I literally had to pull their little arms and legs off of me and walk away. It was really tough watching them cry and reach for me through the bars of their cribs while all I could do was blow kisses. How heart-wrenching!?...and on top of that, i haven't shed a tear. Does that make me insensitive? I feel that I have numbed myself to the point where I'm not allowing myself to feel emotions as a way to cope with everything. This will probably change by the time I leave if not within the next few days, but it's a very unlike myself.
. I have been so incredibly blessed and yet I find myself complaining and irritated with the littlest things. It has truly forced me to re-evaluate the things that are important in my life as well as the things and people I take for granted. We all want to make a difference and feel good about what we've accomplished for the day. These kids mean so much to me already, and honestly, I don't know how much help I'm actually providing. I can love on these kids while I'm here, but when we leave.they will go back to their everyday lives of only receiving basic cares. Is that really impacting their lives and making a difference? It’s really a struggle for me as I think about how helpless we really are. I have very high hopes of helping others and impacting their lives in a positive way, but when reality hits and I realize that what I’m doing may not create a lasting impression, that’s hard to swallow. I know God wants me here and that I am doing His will, but it’s hard not to think about the reality of these childrens’ circumstances and prognosis regardless.
On a lighter note, I’m officially up to 12 mosquito bites but no malaria yet! J Sorry for the book but thanks for reading. :) Buenos noches!
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